Once you become successful people know where you live the type of house you live in the kind of car you drive the clothes you wear and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding’s a mystery to me now. You can’t go back your life changes every day.

Billy Connolly Car Quote

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.

Billy Connolly Imagination Quote

Never trust a man who when left alone with a tea cosey… Doesn’t try it on.

Billy Connolly Loneliness Quote

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again so is a bicycle repair kit.

Billy Connolly Marriage Quote

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

Billy Connolly Pet Quote

Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak get up in front of the microphone and speak don’t sit in the dark hiding. It’s easy to hide and shout and waste people’s time.

Billy Connolly Time Quote

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

Billy Connolly Funny Quotes