All I know about humor is that I don’t know anything about it.

Fred Allen Humor Quote

An actor’s popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.

Fred Allen Success Quote

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Fred Allen Technology Quote

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover’s lane holding his own hand.

Fred Allen Time Quote

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.

Fred Allen Age Quote

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

Fred Allen Business Quote

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children except in self-defense.

Fred Allen Dad Quote

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

Fred Allen Failure Quote

I don’t have to look up my family tree because I know that I’m the sap.

Fred Allen Family Quote

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They’re afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

Fred Allen Fear Quote