I always say I’d rather be miserable by myself than unhappy in a relationship.
Because society places a value on masculinity gay men aspire to it. If you go to a gay club and the doorman says ‘You do realise this is a gay club don’t you lads?’ you get all excited because you think ‘Wow he thought I was straight!’
My ambition was to stop waiting tables. That was how I measured success: finally I was able to stop waiting tables and I was able to pay the rent and that was by being a stand-up comic. Not a very good stand-up comic but good enough to make a living.
It’s amazing how I can just ramble on for hours isn’t it? And so unentertaining or uninteresting. But I can ramble on for hours. It’s a sort of terrible gift isn’t it?
I’m often dating people but I don’t say it because you sort of know it won’t last long.
My parents grew up working class but in that way that working class families do they spent a fortune on education to better me.
The people I want are very famous and very rich and all I can offer them is a bit of exposure on TV and a bit of cash so it’s a miracle we get any guests at all. But we have been very lucky.
Straight men just can’t imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.
All my day is spent dealing with other people. When I come home I like it to be empty. The presence of others in my house kind of annoys me. I love coming home and shutting the doors. I feel brain dead. I’m relatively available but not to live with.