I take my children everywhere but they always find their way back home.
I got a Valentine’s Day card from my girl. It said ‘Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!’ Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
Every speaker has a mouth An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it’s filled with wisdom. Sometimes it’s filled with feet.
Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there I go to work.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there I go to work.
Don’t think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.
Humor starts like a wildfire but then continues on smoldering smoldering for years.
I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it ‘arm around the shoulder’ humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It’s mean mean stuff.
In prehistoric times mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times humor offers us a third alternative fight flee – or laugh.