You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Sleep – the most beautiful experience in life – except drink.
Show me a great actor and I’ll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress and you’ve seen the devil.
Never try to impress a woman because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
If at first you don’t succeed try try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
Hell I never vote for anybody I always vote against.