For years I used to bore my wife over lunch with stories about funny incidents.

James Herriot Funny Quote

This whole head of the home thing has been blown way out of proportion. Some guys just take it way too far. Some parents take it way too far. Yet children need guidance. They need a parent to help and guide them. They also need a friend. They need a confidant.

Donny Osmond Home Quote

Beauty n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Ambrose Bierce Beauty Quote

Some have argued that confronting the threat from Iraq could detract from the war against terror. To the contrary confronting the threat posed by Iraq is crucial to winning the war on terror.

The terrorists and their supporters declared war on the United States – and war is what they got.

This was not an act of terrorism but it was an act of war.

With those attacks the terrorists and their supporters declared war on the United States. And war is what they got.

George W. Bush War Quotes

I call upon the scientific community in our country those who gave us nuclear weapons to turn their great talents now to the cause of mankind and world peace: to give us the means of rendering these nuclear weapons impotent and obsolete.

There are no great limits to growth because there are no limits of human intelligence imagination and wonder.

Ronald Reagan Great Quotes

Real beauty knocks you a little bit off kilter.

David Byrne Beauty Quote

There is only one home to the life of a river-mussel there is only one home to the life of a tortoise there is only one shell to the soul of man: there is only one world to the spirit of our race. If that world leaves its course and smashes on boulders of the great void whose world will give us shelter?

William Hague Work Quote

Always remember your kid’s name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don’t let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers… for yourself. And when in doubt make funny faces.

I also think if you’re an actor and you can improvise when you go on an audition and you can improvise you’re just a genius. If you can you know take a Tide commercial and you can just say one funny line that’s not in the commercial they think you’re a genius.

Amy Poehler Funny Quotes

I have long enjoyed the friendship and companionship of Republicans because I am by instinct a teacher and I would like to teach them something.

William P. Leahy Forgiveness Quote

All things on earth point home in old October sailors to sea travellers to walls and fences hunters to field and hollow and the long voice of the hounds the lover to the love he has forsaken.

Thomas Wolfe Home Quote

We sit in a room for months trying to think of funny things.

David Walliams Funny Quote

Mainstream media tend to just mouth the conventional wisdom to see everything through the filter of right and left.

Arianna Huffington Wisdom Quote

Love is a hole in the heart.

Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat.

Ben Hecht Love Quotes

Fortune which has a great deal of power in other matters but especially in war can bring about great changes in a situation through very slight forces.

Julius Caesar Great Quote

I always carry lip balm and lipstick. Lipstick is a very important beauty product because I find that lips are the most beautiful feature of anyone’s face.

Fan Binbing Beauty Quote

I wish to assure you that there can never be any return to the state of armed conflict which existed before our commitment to peace and the democratic process of election under the Lancaster House agreement.

Robert Mugabe Peace Quote

I wish the government and the Minister of Justice would address these legal and constitutional arguments but they refuse to. They want Canadians to go blindly into their brave new world but it is not wise for a society to move blindly in any direction.

Stockwell Day Legal Quote

I wish that there were more stringent laws to make guns sold anywhere that they’re legal harder to get.

Rosie O’Donnell Legal Quote

I wish that every human life might be pure transparent freedom.

Simone de Beauvoir Freedom Quote

I wish people would turn off their computers go outside talk to people touch people lick people enjoy each other’s company and smell each other on the rump.

Tre Cool Computers Quote

I wish I had coined the phrase ‘tyranny of choice’ but someone beat me to it. The counterintuitive truth is that have an abundance of options does not make you feel privileged and indulged too many options make you feel like all of them are wrong and that you are wrong if you choose any of them.

Susan Orlean Truth Quote

I wish I could just go tell all the young women I work with all these fabulous women ‘Believe in yourself and negotiate for yourself. Own your own success.’ I wish I could tell that to my daughter. But it’s not that simple.

Sheryl Sandberg Success Quote

I wish I could give you a lot of advice based on my experience of winning political debates. But I don’t have that experience. My only experience is at losing them.

Richard M. Nixon Experience Quote

I wish I could be as thin as Jessica Simpson. I think she looks gorgeous! I have had Jessica on my show several times and I can tell you that girl is genuine and funny with a great self-deprecating sense of humor.

Rachael Ray Funny Quote

I will show you fear in a handful of dust.

T. S. Eliot Fear Quote

I will not play tug o’ war. I’d rather play hug o’ war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug Where everyone kisses and everyone grins and everyone cuddles and everyone wins.

Shel Silverstein War Quote

I will not attempt to deny the reasonableness and necessity of a party war but in carrying on that war all principles and rules of justice should not be departed from.

Robert Walpole War Quote

I will not attack your doctrines nor your creeds if they accord liberty to me. If they hold thought to be dangerous – if they aver that doubt is a crime then I attack them one and all because they enslave the minds of men.

Robert Green Ingersoll Men Quote

I will continue to work as hard as I can to make this organization proud. Every time I step on the field I will give everything I have and I will leave everything I have on the field every single Sunday.

Tim Tebow Time Quote

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said ‘What for?’ I said ‘I’m going to buy some sugar.’

Steven Wright Money Quote

I went to college at the University of Kansas where I got a degree in political science.

Sara Paretsky Graduation Quote

I went to America and got into a band had success had hits in Australia.

Rick Springfield Success Quote

I went to a football school which meant that I went to a university that served up education and was simultaneously operating a sports franchise.

Susan Orlean Education Quote

I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out.

Rodney Dangerfield Sports Quote

I wear black skinny-fit jeans – I can’t get away from them. It’s funny because I wore baggy jeans for ages then one day my friend convinced me to try on a skinny pair and I thought they were great.

Shaun White Funny Quote